Sunday, June 29, 2008

You do not own your child

When a child is born, it is beyond doubt that parents will feel a joy they have never felt before. They feel they have created a new life and the ecstasy is unimaginable. Becoming a mother and father is one of the most rewarding experiences of life.

Parents often feel that their child is an extension of themselves. This is where they go wrong. A child is his own being and he is not a “new life” as parents often think. He is already some soul that has chosen his particular parents and taken birth to seek its own evolution. Parents are just a channel through which a soul arrives on the physical plane in a new body to continue on its’ evolutionary path. He is a different soul and is to be treated as such. It is the duty of parents to guide him and give him the best they can but not possess him. I have seen parents often imposing their views on their kids and expect them to be obedient every time. This is plainly foolish and will serve only to destroy the child’s independent thought process and retard him instead of making him more intelligent. Career minded parents (especially those who have excelled in their academics and their career) are usually found to be dominating their children the most. If the father is highly qualified he will expect even his child to be the same. If the mother could not become a beauty queen she will expect her daughter to become one. It’s quite possible that the child is inclined towards art rather than engineering. It is the duty of the parents to nourish their child’s innate talents and encourage him to live the life he is meant to live. Parents must realize that forcing their child to live according to their dictates will inculcate a life long resentment in the child. When the child grows up to be an adult he will inevitably harbor an animus against society and his parents. It is only natural because when a person lives his life according to the path chosen by others, his soul cannot fulfill its’ destiny – which it can do only by making its’ own talent and potential blossom. When parents dominate their child and micromanage it, they make the child diffident and overly dependent on external circumstances (it could be people, objects or society in general). Each child is born with his own gifts and talents and parents must treat that as a flower and water it so as to allow it to blossom. Unfortunately pushy and ambitious parents do not understand this and treat their child as a being that is meant only to fulfill their own unfulfilled desires and ambitions. They might not be aware of this but they treat their child as if they own him and it is not nature’s way that someone owns someone else. Parents do not own their children so they have no right to fulfill their own dreams and ambitions through their children. They must realize that any living being evolves the way it should only when the right degree of freedom is available to it.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

The seeds of violence

I have always felt that a lot of things taught to children in schools are not true and do great harm to the child’s personality. In history classes for instance they teach that Alexander, Napolean, Chengiz Khan were great conquerors. Page after page is written about violent conquerors while comparatively little is written about evolved beings like Gautam Buddha. The fact is there is nothing great about these so called conquerors and rulers. They were violent and cruel men who killed millions of innocent people to feed their own ambitions. It is true they had an excellent ability to motivate their army to march and keep fighting but behind all this was their own ambition. Moreover a person who plunders and kills people to fulfill his ambitions can never be great. Yet this is all constantly being fed to kids in school. The consequence is that it makes a child feel that dominating others through force is good; violence is good and being indifferent to others to fulfill one’s ambitions is good. In other words the seeds of violence are sown at a very tender age in the impressionable minds of the children. Is it any wonder that people have become so violent in today’s society? Most people today if asked of their opinion of these conquerors would exclaim “Oh he was a great man”. Even admiring or calling a violent person great is siding with violence. A society where violent people are idolized in the pages of history can never really be free of violence. I really wonder why history does not emphasize on Jesus, Buddha and other great and evolved beings and does not expunge violent men from its’ pages as they deserve to be forgotten. I can understand that an adult mind can discriminate but the minds of children are like sponge and are very impressionable and whatever they are taught they will accept. Morever, most children have an innocent admiration for their teachers and that doubles the danger.

I strongly feel parents must monitor their kids and must constantly take note as to what their child is learning in school. Just because a teacher has taught something it does not mean it is true. Parents must de-condition their child and must set things straight. If a teacher has fed into a child that someone like Alexander or Chengis Khan was a great person, then it becomes the duty of the parent to tell the child that they are not rather someone like Buddha is and the parent must also tell why so that the child introspects and understands.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Let them give also

Why is that sacrificing people or do gooders (those who make it thier mission in life to only give (be it help or any other thing), often land up antagonising their beneficiaries and making them ungrateful thereby resulting in a broken or soured relationship? Why do people whom we often help slowly become ungrateful and hostile towards us?

We must understand that most human beings (no matter how vile they are) have a deep sense of self respect. When a benefactor keeps giving but does not allow his beneficiary to give him give anything in return, the latter's self respect suffers a blow. He feels valueless and slowly starts to feel burdened with his benefactor's favours. Deep inside he begins to feel like a beggar and no human being will be comfortable with such feelings.

The key point to make here is that always allow the other person also to give you something in return - it could be help or a favour or some gift or just about anything. We must be aware that a I-am-born-only-to-give attitude though chivalrious it may sound is certain to make many ungrateful beneficiaries (be it friends, relatives or whosoever else). When you allow the other person to give you something in return you are in effect allowing him to exercise his dignity and his self respect and he is certain to like you for it and your relationship with him will continue to be good. He will no longer feel stifled by your favors.